Annie’s Note: Every situation is different, and each AuPair has a completely different experience. The things I relate to, someone else might not and vice versa. This is purely based on my personal experience and thoughts. I’d also like to add that my host family has been wonderful, and I’ve cherished every moment spent with them. However, life isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, is it? Nothing is perfect, and that’s what makes it real.

Homesickness

It depends on how long you stay with the host family, but there’s a big chance you’ll start missing home at some point during your AuPair stay. When you move to live with another family you leave everything you know behind. Your family, friends, pets or significant other. Whatever it might be it’s not there anymore. You aren’t drinking your tea from your favorite tea mug and you don’t have that one very nice knife that cuts everything anymore. The sink is too low, and the shower is too small. Nothing is the same anymore. You have new rules now, new system, new traditions, new culture. You can’t do it your way anymore, there’s no such thing as your way. The homesickness can hit the deep spot if you don’t adjust to these changes. How to handle homesickness you can read in this article.

Loneliness

Moving to a new country as an AuPair, especially one where the language is unfamiliar, can be incredibly challenging. It’s a chance to step into a new version of who you want to be, which can feel exciting. But on the flip side, it can also be incredibly isolating. You arrive in a place where you know no one, and no one knows you. The friends and support system you had back home feel distant, and keeping those connections becomes harder with time. In those first few months, the loneliness can be tough. It can feel like you’re on your own, if you aren’t willing to step out of your comfort zone and start conversations with strangers.

The family will never be your family

One of the hardest lessons I learned as an AuPair was that no matter how well you get along with your host family, they will never truly be your family. They may appreciate your work, they may even show kindness, but they won’t love or care for you the way a family would. At first, this might seem like common sense—after all, you’re there for work. Nevertheless living with them day after day, seeing the dynamics of their family, and genuinely bonding with them, creates an emotional connection. You start to care deeply about their well-being, investing your time, energy, and heart into making their lives better. But at the end of the day, you’re one of many AuPairs they have had or will have.

Not feeling like a good enough AuPair

This is something that some people may not relate to because it depends on each individual AuPair. I tend to worry a lot, and because of that, Often I find myself stressing over what the family thinks of me. I care deeply about how I’m perceived, and sometimes, that worry turns into anxiety. When something goes wrong—whether a child falls, cries, gets sick, or something breaks—I feel responsible for it. I always feel like if I had done a better job, it could have been prevented. The fear of the family realizing it’s not a good fit and cancelling the contract gets overwhelming, especially after you’ve already formed an emotional attachment. This feeling of not being good enough can often be avoided with open communication and asking for reassurance from the family, but sometimes that’s hard or even impossible to do.

The language barrier

Many people expect to move to another country and immediately learn the language. Like the language is something you can get in a wending machine. If you don’t put effort and time into really learning the language, you’ll never learn it. And sometimes even if you do put effort and time into it you still can’t learn it. It takes time and because it takes time you’re left in the middle where you can’t speak the language yet. And the longer the time passes the feeling of failing increases. Especially when the kids don’t speak good English and you need to communicate in their language, but you are not able to.

Not having time for yourself

A very common feeling among AuPairs is tiredness. I don’t think you can ever be fully prepared for the emotional and physical drain that comes with the AuPair job. It can be incredibly exhausting, both mentally and physically when your entire day revolves around the needs of the children you care for. Your schedule is dictated by their routines—waking up early to prepare breakfast, getting them ready for school, managing after-school activities, and constantly being on alert. As a result, you’re often left with very little time or energy to invest in yourself. It becomes more challenging to find a moment to just breathe, relax, or focus on your hobbies and interests. Even when you do have free time, it’s often in the late evening or in between of two tasks.